Dear Diary,

With the discovery that this week marks the start of the second part of the year, I have spent the week going over where I am – compared to where I had planned to be.
Which is why I am going to try and write to you once a week, allowing me to see what I have done – it might not be as much as I would like, it will always be something.

At the start of the week I found out I had failed a Hidden Test – over whether I could afford £200 a month.
Not that I would have accepted if I had passed, I just still cannot accept that people test me, without involving me – to then make a decision based on something illogical.

This seemed to fire off a wandering down memory lane.
Now, Dear Diary, please don’t think I am full of regret or remorse.
I am not that sort of person.
I am full of optimism at what I am yet to accomplished – proven that I can with the change I made at that school.
What does my head in is what I had, and how it would be appreciated if I had it now.

The big thing is this constant feeling of why am I still not being successful.
This is far from the first time I have started from nothing and built up a business.
Sure, the surroundings in which I have to work are totally different.
I still cannot shake the feeling that being forced to deal with the daily shit that I do, because I cannot find anyone to do such basic things, is causing a knock on effect.

Which means I have to rise above it.
So what if it means I end up living in a dirty shithole?
No matter how hard I try I cannot even ensure that I have a clean, ironed shirt to wear.
Nor a kitchen clean enough to let me cook the bread which makes up my dinner.

As for money, despite everything, two days after being paid I have less than five pounds in my account and ten days to go until I get more.
The amazon returns repayment has been delayed, according to the chat session with amazon.
This means I will be lucky to see the money I was banking on using to get through until the end of the week.

Then there is my car.
Hats off to MB for making a car that can do a four wheel jump, land hard enough to grind metal flat – and keep working.

However, damn them for putting the battery in the boot – which means when it dies one cannot get access to it.
And so I have a dead car, not that I have a penny to petrol in it.

I have managed to get about two thirds through the letter I need to send to lawyers to sue the Council.
However, it came at an emotional hit.
Just this week I witnessed a friend have her Childs school tell her that her kid is about to be excluded. 
This is due to the kid, potential, being on the Spectrum and the school not able to provide the one on one that is needed.
I saw the anger in my friend when she told me about what the school had done to her kid.
The outrage, the threats to sue, to go to the papers.
I pointed out that this feeling is the one that I live with daily, so maybe she could now understand me better.
I was told that she already knew the pain I faced, and moved on.

Of course the problem was sorted the next day, the kid now getting what she needs, all without anything threatened needed to be done.
Which slammed home my situation.
Im still fighting.
This friend has moved on to her own problems, not that I expected it to cause any help – I had hoped that it got me some emotional support.

I used this looking back to decided that I should focus on setting up my charity, I’m Not Lying – so get exposure to Midlife Undiagnosed Autism.
I have started on the text and have made good progress – cannot dwell on not having the £6.99 I need to register the domain name.
I guess I just have to wait and set the site up under another domain.

I made some good progress on my writing. 
I didn’t manage a single word on my autobiography, Simons’ Luck
I did make good progress with my novel, Fuck, Choke, Punch – based on a relationship I was in.

Anything else?
I sorted out a load of the decking around the hot tub.
Now thats the most of it done, I hope to get the worst of the rest done over the weekend.
This will just leave the sanding and varnishing, which will have to wait until next payday.

Which now leaves Friday evening.
I have made a pile of wood to make a fire.
There is a shooting star show happening over the next few days.
Of course, the weather has turned.
However, I am hopeful that the clouds will break and I will be greeted with a great show.

Well, there we go, Dear Diary.
My first entry into you.
Lets see if I can keep this up.

After all, nothing aint going to happen unless I make it happen.
No one is working for me other than me.
Cos no one can work like I can.